The Facts Of Slaying
by BuffyTheSlayr
Summary: What if the wacky world of an 80's sitcom collided with the drama of the late 90's best action series? That's the premise behind my new "What If" series featuring The Facts Of Life and Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Femslash.Feature Jo/Blair, Willow/Tara


**What If Series **The Facts Of Slayers

"California?" Mrs. Garrett screamed into the phone after her eldest son, Raymond, told her about his great proposal. Jo and Blair looked up from their text books, gave Edna a glance and went back to studying. The shop was closed for inventory so Tootie and Natalie were busy counting pasta while Jo and Blair snuck in some study time while Mrs. Garrett was on the phone with her son.

"Did Mrs. Garrett just scream California?" Tootie whispered to Natalie as they restocked the penne pasta back where it belonged.

"That's what I heard. You don't think he's thinking of moving there?" Natalie responded with a shrug. They both knew that Ray finally split from his wife and was going through something Mrs Garrett called a mid-life crisis. They went back to stocking the pasta when they couldn't over hear anymore of the conversation. Mrs. Garrett decided to continue her tirade on the other phone in the living room.

"Raymond, you didn't even discuss this with me first!" Edna said with a slight tremor in her voice. He was becoming so impulsive since his divorce.

Meanwhile, bored and nosy, Tootie and Natalie listened to the back and forth conversation on the other phone. Jo gave them a cross look but Blair gave them a thumbs up and mouthed the words, "Take notes!"'

"Listen mom, please!" Raymond pleaded on the other end of the phone.

"Explain, Raymond. Now!" Edna snipped.

"Okay listen...they are selling property in this small town in southern California for dirt cheap rates. I swear mom, it's like they're giving houses away. I couldn't help myself. There was this great shop in an excellent locale, the owner gave it to me for half the asking price and when I balked he slashed it again! Mom, like free!" Raymond was breathless after he finished talking. Real estate was almost as fun as accounting.

"Free? Oh Raymond, that was so impulsive. It's not like you." Edna lamented. How she worried about her son. Divorcing Doris was one thing, but this nonsense was more like Alex, not her Ray.

"Mom, it's going to be fantastic! This will be your last freezing cold snowy winter! In a few months, you are going to be the proud owner of Edna's Edibles West coast division. I'm going to fly you in and get you settled. We'll hire staff..." Raymond continued talking until Edna interrupted him.

"Hold on, Raymond." She said and put the phone down silently onto the side table. She walked into the store front and watched as Tootie and Natalie were holding the other phone in their hands. She crossed her arms and cleared her throat.

"Hear anything you like, girls?" She asked.

Tootie and Natalie jumped, Jo snorted his laughter and Blair just smiled.

"Gee Mrs. Garrett; we didn't realize you were still on the phone..." Tootie started to say but was cut off by Edna.

"...Sorry Tootie, but your heavy breathing gave it way. Put the phone down and get back to work. Now!" Edna roared, took a 360 and marched back to the living room.

"Nice job, Tootie" Natalie said as she wandered back to the pasta barrels.

"It's my stupid braces...I mouth breathe too much." Tootie said annoyingly.

"It's rude and now Mrs. G is all upset." Jo yelled.

"You both need a lesson in stealth." Blair quipped with a frown.

"Thanks Jane Bond, what would you have done?" Natalie asked.

Blair closed her text book and stood up, "Watch and learn ladies."

Jo rolled her eyes, tossed her book aside and crossed her arms in impatience.

Blair sauntered over to the door that was now closed and put her ear to the door.

Jo scoffed, "I coulda done that, Princess!"

Blair shooed her away and reached over to the counter to find a glass, "This works on TV. Now shush, all of you."

Blair could hear Mrs. Garrett talking to her son, Raymond, and it sounded like the heated conversation was continuing.

"It would help if we could hear it too!" Natalie whined.

Blair frowned and motioned them to come closer, "They are talking about California...about moving there. Shsssshh...Jo, Mrs. Garrett is thinking about moving to California! Raymond bought a new store for her there! Holy crow!"

Jo, who was annoyed with the girly gossipyness of it all was now intrigued, and she moved closer to Blair. "Whatta ya mean, move?"

Tootie looked around at Natalie and then addressed Jo, "Raymond bought a new store for Mrs. Garrett, and now they are arguing about whether she should move there!"

For once, Jo was struck speechless. Blair noticed this at once and patted Jo on the arm with her free hand, "Mrs. Garrett won't go anywhere until she talks to us." Blair said quietly.

Meanwhile on the otherwise of the door, Edna Garrett finally gave up arguing with her son. "Let's not fight anymore, Raymond. I will agree to visit this town, but only if I can bring the girls with me."

Raymond agreed and booked a flight for the five ladies to come and visit him in L.A in a few weeks.

Later, Edna gathered the girls around the shop counter and was ready to give them the news. She wasn't sure how much Tootie had overheard, so she told them everything.

"Mrs. G, you just wanna up and leave Peekskill like this?" Jo asked, shocked and rather hurt that her mentor, employer and landlady was so willing to leave New York for the Pacific Coast.

"It's a great opportunity for the store, Jo. Raymond bought prime real-estate in a small town similar to Peekskill. There is practically no rent, and I think the weather would be good for this old gal." Edna said quietly.

Jo shrugged and turned around so no one could see her tear up.

Blair noticed this at once and became angry, "Mrs. Garrett, Jo depends on her work here at Edna's Edibles and where would she live? Do you want Jo to live on the street?"

Jo looked sharply at Blair and became angry, "Hey, I'm standing right here! I'm not gonna become a homeless person, so stifle it, will ya Blair?"

Blair looked confused but kept quiet. Edna smiled at Jo and shrugged, "I don't know what will happen, Jo, but Raymond wants to fly us all out to L.A and give us the grand tour!"

Tootie and Natalie grinned, "Does that mean us too?"

Edna nodded and noticed that Blair was more concerned about Jo's reaction than the announcement she just made. Was she missing something?

"Well, Raymond is sending us five tickets to L.A for next weekend, so pack your suntan lotion!" Edna Garrett said with a smile.

"L.A here we come!" Natalie said with a hoot and holler.

To Be Continued...


End file.
